Jokes, poems, and other stuff
What if Dr. Seuss did technical writing? by Steve Hodack
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet,
your computer's gonna hang!
*  If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
*  A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
*  Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
*  For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
*  He who hesitates is probably right.
*  Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
*  No one is listening until you make a mistake.
*  Even though you're not paranoid, it doesn't mean their not watching.
*  Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
*  The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
*  The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
*  The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
*  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.
*  To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
*  Two wrongs are only the beginning
*  Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
*  The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
*  Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life
*  The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
*  The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
There's No Place Like Home-schoolby Debbie Jackson
It's early in the morning and I'm still in the bed,
When suddenly an eerie screech goes slashing through my head
I sit up straight and start to throw the covers to the floor
When I see my darling children standing quietly at my door.
It seems they have a scheduled chat with folks from another state.
And the time difference was calculated so they could keep this date!
When our day begins in earnest, the modem screeches yet again
And they're off to the Reference section to research "acid rain."
With facts in hand, it's off they head to Personal Publisher 2
To add graphics, text and HTML--plus a background that's true blue.
A search of files reveals a song that they'd just love to have,
So they find the code so that their web-page will play this lovely wav!
We're studying Ancient Egypt, its pharaohs and its gods...
And the kids go on-line again to find the Pyramid's population and size
And where to find King Tut's tomb, that archaeological prize!
There are web-sties a-plenty from museums to college classes,
To bring this information to the hands of the homeschool masses.
Our next stop is geography with Paddle-to-the-Sea,
And they need to find the flight plan of Canadian geese for me.
They research copper mining, iron ore and trading posts.
"I found a really cool website," I hear the young one boast,
"It's full of information about shipwrecks on Lake Erie.
And, here I always thought before that research was so dreary!"
Our school day ends but the learning goes on until they go to bed.
They chat, play games and send e-mail, plus more I haven't said.
You see, every home is a school and all that changes is what you teach.
So I try to teach my children that it's for the stars that they should reach.
And that's the end of our saga, but this I'd love to tell: There's no place like a home-school that uses AOL
Reasons to homeschool
- The only "gang" your kids belong to is your family
- Your kids enjoy socializing with people of all ages
- School prayer is encouraged
- The teacher-pupil ratio is GREAT
- You can wear pajamas to class and not be kicked out
- Vacations can be called "Extended Field Trips"
- There's always time to bake cookies
- Learning becomes contagious!(older child teaching younger child) "Mom, listen!! I taught Ernie his alphabet!" "A-B-C-D-1-2-3-Q-R-S-T-Do-Re-Mi!"
- Chores may be called "Home Ec projects"
- You can celebrate your birthday with a school holiday
- You don't have to raise your hand to go to the bathroom
- You get to read more books than you ever realized existed
- The latest fads usually never make it to your house
- You don't need security guards or metal detectors
- Your family is right where they ought to be....HOME!!!!!
- Your kids will never tell you that you're a lot dumber than their teacher
- Cleaning the refrigerator can double as chemistry lab
- Your child will never go to their 20th high school reunion, meet an old flame, and recklessly abandon their marriage.
- Your honor student can actually read the bumper sticker that you have put on your car
- If your child claims that the dog ate his homework you can ask the dog.
You know your homeschooled when....
- You're the only woman on the block who is trying to grow bacteria on her kitchen counter.
- The first thing that comes to mind when your son's pet mouse dies is that you can get him to write an obituary for language arts.
- While driving down the street in a strange city, you think you've spotted a homeschool support group meeting--- multiple vans and station wagons parked nearby!
- Your deepest longing is nor for a mink coat, a Jaguar, or a hilltop mansion, but rather... BOOKSHELVES!
- You have ever been asked, "What about socialization?"
- You have ever taught in pajamas
- You have ever held school in a park
- Your librarian doesn't ask for your card anymore
- Yes, I homeschool-- what is your question about socialization?
- Every home is a school. What do you teach?
- Obedience is doing what I am told to do, when I am told to do it, and doing it with a happy heart.
- I am the administrator/instructor of an exclusive experimental multigrade academy designed with the express purpose of enhancing genius and maximizing potential in a select group of creative individuals.
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